Wedding Tips for Quiet Couples
A wonderfully kind and supportive article by Essex and UK wedding photographer Ross Willsher for English Wedding.
Hello, you wonderfully introspective human. How is wedding planning going as someone who prefers to live a more low-key life?
Are you feeling a pressure to become a version of yourself that feels unnatural and uncomfortable?
Are you consumed with anxiety about all eyes being on you throughout your wedding day?
If so, please keep reading, as you are just the kind of individual I wrote this article for.
Sadly it is true that the wedding industry can be an overwhelmingly loud space at times, and one which seems to often celebrate the loudest voices and boldest choices. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how beautiful it is to be quiet and understated, to create wedding celebrations centred on inner peace and wellbeing rather than an onslaught of trending visuals and content. If you’re a couple who lie firmly on the introverted side of the personality spectrum, I understand that you might feel little overlooked in the world of weddings and I’m here to help you feel seen and understood. I have been a wedding photographer for nearly ten years, and I still sometimes feel as if I need to learn to shout a little louder or act more extroverted in order to fit in. So, I understand how you might be feeling and the good news is you do not need to leap out of your comfort zone in order to have a glorious day.
First and foremost I want you to understand that you – exactly as you are right now – are beautiful. You do not need to make any changes to your personality in order to shine on your wedding day. Be proud of the fact that you walk on the quieter side of life, and never for one second feel apologetic for not acting in line with someone else’s version of how a nearlywed should act. I cannot emphasise the importance of staying true to who you are enough. It is the cornerstone of making all the right decisions when it comes to curating your day.
So, now you have committed to embracing your fabulous personality, let’s look at practical steps you can take to create a wedding that feels right for you. As with all advice when it comes to weddings, you can adopt or ignore whatever does or does not resonate with you.
Do not conflate quietness with compromise
Do not allow other people to convince you that a quiet personality means you need to compromise on fashion, budget or aesthetics.
Beautifully curated weddings can be quiet weddings too – they are far from mutually exclusive. You might not want to treat your ceremony aisle like a catwalk and strut your stuff on the way to saying ‘I Do’, but that doesn’t mean the clothes you wear cannot be exquisitely styled.
Turn off the digital noise.
Be really mindful of what you consume digitally. Just because you see your timeline cluttered with inspirational content and tips that are labelled as essential, does not mean they are doing your mental well-being any favours. Whether you choose to limit the apps you use for wedding research, reduce the time spent on those apps and / or restrict the number of wedding accounts you follow, take note of how the wedding content you consume makes you feel. If it brings you joy and excitement that’s fantastic. If you sense a feeling of pressure and dread creeping up through your scrolling fingers and into your heart, then put that phone down! As with all aspects of online content, it never tells the full story so take wedding content with a Nigella-approved pinch of salt.
Choose suppliers with care
Whether you are researching photographers, florists, content creators or venues, make sure you can relate to the majority of couples featured across their website and social media. Are they celebrating in the way you see yourselves wanting to celebrate, or do you feel like the couples seem to be a little more extroverted in nature?
Be honest with vendors about your quiet personality. Not all of us long to work with “boss brides” and rebellious couples – some of us delight in creating wonderful occasions for couples like you. Once we know your concerns and how you want to feel on the day, we can advise you on how to stay feeling comfortable as your wedding day progresses.
I have many techniques for capturing quiet couples, such as ensuring your couple shoot takes place away from the eyes of your wedding guests, and never asking you to do anything which feels artificial to how you naturally interact with one another. There’s no leaping from chairs and pointing middle fingers to the camera with my couples.
Remove the elements where all eyes are on you
Your guests will have a fabulous day celebrating your wedding, regardless of how much you actively plan to entertain them. However, if you hate being the centre of attention, plan for some handy distractions throughout the timeline. Magicians and music during the cocktail hour means you will not feel the need to rush around and chat to absolutely everybody if that idea overwhelms you. Ditch the first dance performance if that is making you feel pressure; you could ask everyone to join you on the dance floor instead. The same goes for the speeches; they are not essential. We didn’t have them at our wedding and the world didn’t end.
There are certain times where you will be the centre of attention, the ceremony being the key example. Always remember everyone there loves you and is rooting for you. Keep the ceremony short and sweet and take lots of deep breaths before entering the room. It will fly by and you’ll be back lost amongst your crowd of loved ones before you know it.
Choose your wedding team wisely
The people around you have a huge impact on the energy of your wedding. Think about who you really want to surround yourself with in the build up to and on the morning of your wedding. Do you want people who make you laugh and take your mind off your own nerves, or do you want people who will keep you calm and grounded? Sometimes that one extroverted friend is great for keeping attention away from you, but sometimes they can be a little too much when you just need some quiet time. Only you will know who the right people are to help you keep your wedding day feeling comfortable for you. If you can, avoid collating a wedding team based on obligation and family politics, and instead centre it on ensuring you feel supported.
Finally, I want to leave you with a sentiment that I say on my website, which I think is so important for couples to know.
I hope you quickly realise that quietness has its own beauty, morning nerves are normal and precious and genuine shared laughter lights up a camera brighter than any wedding trend you feel pressure to follow.
Wishing you a gorgeously understated wedding.
Ross Willsher is a talented Essex wedding photographer, providing calm, compassionate wedding photography for self-conscious and camera-shy couples of all identities. He’s a regular writer on our platform, and you can read more of Ross’s kind and thoughtful wedding planning advice here.
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