I think sometimes planning a wedding must feel a little like organising Glastonbury. Only, most couples have no experience in event planning, and you’re a team of two, not hundreds. You might not be inviting tens of thousands of guests – but you’re trying to give the most important people in the world an amazing experience and a day to remember. The pressure to have the ‘perfect’ wedding can be too much – and planning anxiety is something the wedding media should talk about seriously.

The Glasto comparison is a little exaggerated, I’ll admit. But weddings have ballooned even since the pandemic into something extravagant and huge and actually quite complex. Social media pressures (and don’t get me started on “dreamy” AI-generated faux wedding images) can all take their toll. Wedding stress is real, and planxiety’s more than a cute word to describe pre-wedding nerves. If you’re struggling to cope, do ask for professional help. If you’re heading towards overwhelm, here are some tips from our friends who are all wedding experts, to help you navigate over and around those stressy wedding moments.

Mark Niemierko is the UK’s leading wedding planner. Niemierko has made its name creating epic luxury weddings for celebrities and stars for 20 years. I had a chat with Mark in April and he shared some golden tips for keeping on top of wedding stress:

1. Turn your phones off

“Step away from your mobiles – leave your phones in a separate space (not your bedroom!) and focus on something else for a while. Do your thing – that might be relaxing with Netflix or a book, whatever really relaxes you.”

2. Take time out

Sometimes a little holiday for just the two of you can help, but more often just being at home is enough! Cosying up in your safe space can be more relaxing than going away.”

3. Avoid peer pressure

Overall, my biggest tip is to avoid peer pressure.” A decade ago, this all came from friends and families, but now it’s a constant barrage of inspiration from Pinterest and social media. Mark told the lifestyle brand Mr. Porter “There’s a real backlash against just following what you see online, which is great.”

Some wedding media are guilty of focusing on the bride, which I have a real problem with. Not all weddings have a bride, and some have two! But the implication is that the bulk of wedding planning falls to one person, and this piles on the pressure – it’s not fair. When we talked Mark told me he agrees the idea of weddings being a bride’s day is dated. Grooms are very involved in wedding planning now – and that’s important for speeding up decisions and bringing thought processes together. Planning a wedding together as a couple means you both have support when overwhelm strikes and you need it most.

Essex wedding photographer Ross Willsher has published a book full of really thoughtful and heartfelt advice and support for couples planning their weddings. ‘Celebrated‘ comes highly recommended by English Wedding. I asked Ross, if you spotted one of your couples was struggling with wedding planning stress, would you say something? Could you offer any advice?

4. Remember your wedding day isn’t about being perfect, it’s about celebrating you

If it’s appropriate I would always step in and offer advice. My couples can book a zoom session with me at any time during planning if they are having a ‘wedding wobble’. I’d advise couples to go and spend some time together doing something non-wedding related. Reconnect and gain perspective away from planning the special day. Remember that the day isn’t about being perfect, it’s about celebrating you. Book suppliers you trust and feel comfortable with and reach out to them if struggling. ~ Ross Willsher Photography

5. Delegate tasks, and set time aside for non wedding chat

Advice from Manchester wedding photographer Priti Shikotra: I’ve been there as a bride to be and found the planning so stressful! I would suggest outsourcing or delegating tasks where you can. Set aside time for non wedding chat too because it can really take over your life & impact your relationship with your partner. Remember to have fun during the whole process!

We had two weddings to plan for – elopement in New Zealand and a big traditional Indian wedding here in Manchester. When my own two wedding photographers helped with ideas for a few things it helped us so much. As part of the process when getting wedding photography or engagement session enquiries – regardless whether couples book me or not – I point couples to my wedding photography blog where I share wedding planning tips that may help them.

Advice from luxury destination wedding planner Michelle Jacobs:

6. Figure out where your stress is coming from

Most wedding planning stress comes from a place of overwhelm, which is something I commonly see with engaged couples. It’s important to identify the source of the stress, and in most cases I can help reduce it directly or offer advice.

7. Have a solid plan B so you don’t have to worry about things you can’t change!

While we would love to be able to order the perfectly temperate sunny day for you, the weather (especially at a destination wedding) is entirely out of our control. There’s no point worrying about something we can’t change! This is why we always have a wet weather plan, and why we always make sure Plan B is just as fabulous as Plan A so it never feels like a consolation prize.

8. Gently manage other people’s expectations

Too many conflicting opinions. Inevitably, everyone has something to say about your wedding plans – and that can lead to a lot of noise and stress caused by indecision. While it’s very easy to say ‘don’t listen to other people’s opinions’, I know that by human nature we do care what our loved ones think. Try to remain focused and connected to how you and your partner are feeling about your wedding plans, and if someone is really causing you a headache you can politely say something like, ‘We’re happy you’re so excited about our wedding, but we’ve got a lot to think about already – we’ll let you know if we need some more help.’

9. Negotiate and compromise with family politics

I work with a lot of Jewish couples, and managing the family dynamics is always a part of the planning process. Very often, both sets of parents are involved in the planning and there are a lot of traditions and customs to consider. My job as a Jewish wedding planner is to prioritise what you as a couple want, and help you negotiate and navigate towards this with your families – some level of compromise is often important, and I can act as a mediator to keep conversations rational rather than emotional.

10. Declare a ‘no wedding talk’ weekend

If wedding planning is feeling stressful and overwhelming, I advise couples to take some time out from thinking about it – declare a ‘no wedding talk’ weekend, or plan something special to remind yourselves of that engaged bliss and why you’re doing this. Lean on your wedding planner and let them take the lead – they can carry the weight of the ‘project management’. ~ Michelle Jacobs, Elegante by Michelle J. (Tips 6-10)

11. Talk to someone who gets it

I loved this advice sent in by Lake District wedding photographer Mark Battista. It’s a reminder your support network is bigger than just close friends and family. Never feel like you’re burdening your loved ones with your worries: they’ll want to make sure you’re ok. But sometimes, it can really help to chat to someone who isn’t emotionally invested in your wedding plans, but who understands – and can offer a fresh perspective.

“If I noticed one of my couples was stressed, I’d gently check in — even a quick “How’s it all going?” can open the door. Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, and sometimes just having someone who gets it helps.

I’d remind them that it’s okay not to do everything — delegate where you can, focus on the parts that matter most to you both, and don’t lose sight of why you’re doing this in the first place. The day should feel joyful, not pressured.” ~ Mark Battista, north west and Cumbria wedding photographer

Erika Tanith, a wedding photographer in Newcastle, offers similar advice:

12. Lean on your team

If I sensed one of my couples was feeling overwhelmed, I’d gently check in. I’d never want to overstep, but I care deeply about the people I work with, and that means being a source of support where I can. I always let my couples know they’re welcome to reach out, even if it’s not strictly photography-related. Most wedding suppliers are the same – we genuinely want you to have an incredible experience, and if we can’t help directly, we often know someone who can. So don’t hesitate to lean on your team; we’re here for you.

13. Find stress relief in unexpected places!

We asked Claire at Grainmarket Alpacas the same question about wedding stress, and she recommended the company of her woolly friends!

“Our service transcends what we offer with alpacas. We understand there will be ups and downs in the process of planning a wedding and are 100% invested in the whole event running smoothly. As alpacas are renowned for their calm and therapeutic demeanour perhaps a visit to meet them prior to the event would be a stress reliever in itself!”

14. Plan your wedding timeline to avoid on-the-day wedding stress

Cotswolds wedding photographer Barb Asboth shared some great advice for the day itself. “There are a lot of things us photographers can help as we go to so many weddings and there are inevitably patterns that emerge. All my couples receive my detailed Wedding Guide upon booking, with helpful advice and common pitfalls to avoid. It contains a sample timeline that’s recommended to avoid rushing on the day and with plenty of cushioning built into it – I point my couples towards that if they’re not sure about timings, and then I work with them to adjust their own itinerary as needed, because one thing I often see is people trying to cram too much into too little time!”

15. Have an intimate wedding – avoid guest list stress!

As a wedding calligrapher I see a lot of worries around seating plans and guest lists. That last minute rush to confirm everyone can be a nightmare for couples. Writing English Wedding as well, and reading interviews from all the lovely couples who we’ve featured on the blog, has taught me that guest lists – or let’s be real here: guests themselves! – can be a major source of anxiety in wedding planning. Trying to please 20 people you both genuinely care about is a lot easier than trying to impress 100 people you know a little bit. Cull your guest list and only invite people who you’d really miss if they weren’t at your wedding.

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We’ve shared advice on wedding planning stress and anxiety before, and I’m very aware as I write this blog that it’s not a quick fix situation. If you feel overwhelmed by the stress of planning your wedding, or the anxiety around your wedding is affecting your life, please don’t delay seeking professional help.