So many of the words in this blog struck home for me. The concept of feeling safe with your wedding photographer; of being self-aware and comfortable in your skin – it’s just not something the mainstream wedding media really talk about.

But it’s mega important. There’s a sense that people change when they’re planning a wedding – that life’s all about excitement and trends and suddenly, Pinterest is everything. That really doesn’t have to be true! Today’s blog is all about being YOU – and our wonderful friend Ross Willsher Photography is with some tips to help you navigate the wedding world, just as you are. 

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It is so amazing to see how much choice there now is for couples when planning their wedding day. It has become so much easier to find a venue and suppliers that fit your vision and align with your values.

However, whilst the move away from a ‘traditional’ wedding is a welcome one, you can be forgiven for believing that alternative weddings are exclusively for extroverted and confident couples who know exactly what they want, are unashamedly themselves and 100% comfortable in their skin.

A whole sector of the wedding industry is now catering to these ‘boss brides’ (and grooms) who stick a literal and metaphorical two fingers up to tradition, and who are never afraid to let their voice be heard.

However, you might be one of the couples who fall somewhere between these two extremes. You might feel that not all wedding traditions are right for you, but you are not naturally rebellious or extroverted in nature.

If you’re not sure where you ‘fit’ with regards to the wedding industry and are worried about being the centre of attention on your day, here are some tips to help you get on track with planning a day filled with magic and meaning, but without the glare of the spotlight.

It’s OK to not fit in (so don’t even try)

Fitting in is so overrated. There might not be a blog or resource that speaks exclusively to you and that’s brilliant because it means you’re wonderfully unique.  You don’t have to change anything about who you are in order to fit someone’s else’s idea of how nearlyweds should be.

When choosing suppliers, look for those who don’t make you feel pressured to be something you are not. It’s OK not to be rebellious, outrageous, sassy or fashion-forward. Be self-aware enough to recognise when you don’t really relate with any of the couples and weddings showcased on a supplier’s website and social media, however cool and aspirational they may look.

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Buy ‘Celebrated’ by Ross Willsher on Amazon – it’s beautifully written and filled with empathy, empowering and inclusive: highly recommended by English Wedding!

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Use traditions to your advantage

Take each tradition one at a time and decide whether it fits with your values and personality. If it does, embrace and incorporate it, if not you can either discard it or tweak it to your advantage.

For example, introverted couples who shun attention might choose to cut the cake in private with just their photographer present or design a seating plan without having a top table. First dances can take place with other guests on the dance floor so all eyes aren’t on you, and if the thought of everyone turning and staring as you enter the ceremony makes you anxious, you can enter before your guests.

Prioritise your feelings

How you feel on your day is the most important aspect of your wedding. Feeling loved and full of joy is of course what every couple wants, but you may also have a need for comfort and peace of mind. Nothing about your day should cause you dread or anxiety.

Wear what makes you feel more confident, cap guests numbers if too many eyes on you feels unsettling, and plan times in the day for you to step away and have some quiet moments alone to centre yourselves and take it all in.

Choose a photographer who listens

There are so many incredible photographers out there, which means you do not need to compromise between incredible imagery and supportive personality. Talk to several photographers whose work you love, and really take note of how they make you feel. Do you feel like they are allowing you to simply be yourself? Do you feel safe opening up about your anxieties and concerns? Do they ask questions to get to know you rather than continually talk about themselves?

Not many suppliers will spend so much of your wedding with you, but you will be in constant contact with your photographer. Make sure they enhance your experience and feelings of comfort.

Put distractions in place

Remember that you are not there to perform for your guests. In fact, your guests are there to support and celebrate you. Never feel pressure to do things just because you feel you have to please those in attendance.

If you want to divert attention away from you, hire entertainers and suppliers who can entertain everyone and shift the focus away from you. Book comedians, singers, and bands who love performing for a crowd (but let them know you don’t want to be involved in any audience participation).

Finally, remember that there is something truly beautiful about the quieter moments of a wedding day. The periods of reflection, intimacy and contemplation are just as memorable and wonderful as the cheering toasts, chucking of confetti and demonstrations of crazy dance moves.

Have a wonderful wedding.