Our Wedding, Our Rules: some unconventional wedding restrictions
A guest blog by Lily for For Better For Worse
Traditionally weddings have come with a well-known set of rules – don’t see the bride in her dress before the big day, no one else wears white… you get the gist. And that’s totally fine! Having rules at your wedding isn’t a new concept, but have you heard of the couples taking it one step further?
Here are a few eccentric rules grooms and brides have implemented to make sure their day stays running smoothly.
Phones Free Ceremony
“Unplugged” weddings are becoming more popular as many start resenting seeing everything through a screen. But why?
If all your guests had their phones out as you were walking down the aisle, or waiting to capture your beautiful wife to be for the first time, and suddenly you hear a symphony of pinging and ringing- it’s not very romantic, is it? It can be incredibly distracting and can also ruin professional photography shots if flash is used. There are also other generations to consider- those who are older and don’t particularly want to film the entire thing will be met by a sea of arms in the air, blocking their view!
Many couples are also adamant on no premature photography – imagine having a post planned out ready to show your online friends and followers, and they’ve already seen it a dozen times from a dozen different angles.
Keep Your Announcements Quiet!
Although slightly more conventional, a strict no announcements policy is very valid for couples to enforce. Who wants their big day ruined by proposals and pregnancy broadcasts? Out of common courtesy, announcing any news can wait until after the wedding, as a lot of time and effort goes into making sure the day is faultless.
If you’re with your long-term partner, and you get an inkling that a proposal is in the air, it’s best to make it clear that proposals at someone else’s wedding are NOT a good idea, even if people think it’s convenient with having all the family in one spot. If you’re not keen on having that conversation with your partner head on prior to the wedding, make your feelings clear about how disrespectful it can be.
Unless it’s cleared by the couple first- put that ring back in your pocket!
No Money, Mo Problems
Unless you’re moving into a new house and need some furnishings or specific bits, having 10 people give you a patterned gravy boat or an Emma Bridgewater teapot is not going to help keep the wedding spirit up.
Remember you should never feel pressure to spend money you can’t afford. Even the wedding itself is optional! Times are hard right now, and you and your guests will have different circumstances, so be considerate when asking for gifts or money.
Budget carefully as part of planning your wedding, and never borrow money to pay for your big day. Weddings can be expensive, and no one should begin married life in debt. Likewise, your guests will have different financial circumstances and some may struggle to afford to come to your wedding – so be kind. Avoid getting gifts you don’t need. Instead, you could suggest an optional contribution towards your honeymoon, or a charity donation to a cause that’s meaningful for you both. Best of all, communicate clearly before your day that you don’t expect a contribution towards your wedding – no one should be expected to ‘pay you back’ for anything. Kindness is more important than cash!
Paying Your Own Way
Keeping the cost theme running, have you heard of couples charging their guests? Many who have a lot of people to invite, and not a lot of budget to work with often resort to asking the bridal/groom party or the guests to pay for an aspect of the wedding. This can be their meals, attire like bridesmaid’s dresses or suits, or even travel and accommodation.
If having a destination wedding, it can be seen as more acceptable to ask your guests to make their own way there. If you ever get worried about the reception of doing this, remember that it’s yours and your partner’s big day, not theirs. You can always try and plan in advance e.g., 2 years prior so that everyone has a chance to save up.
No Kids Allowed?
The long running debate- is it selfish? Inconsiderate? Offensive? Curating your dream wedding is completely subjective to yours and your partners personal preferences, as well as just how many you can cater for. Although children can be a great addition to a wedding and can supply a great bit of humour for the other guests- it’s not for everyone.
One of the biggest cons of having children part of your day is the fear of interruption- kids running onto the floor during the first dance, the “I do’s” met with echoed wails- the problem is you’ll never know ‘til the day, and that’s a risk some couples aren’t willing to take. If you’re unsure about having children at your wedding, you could try and have your ceremony kids free with the reception an all-welcome do- or even have the reception on a different day?
If You Speak, You’re in Trouble
Speech bans are a lot more common than you might think! Some couples would totally prefer to break the traditional set up of a wedding, and this can be down to so many reasons:
- Nerves- public speaking can be incredibly nerve wracking and can put pressure on those chosen to write one. You can always ask for them to give you a handwritten letter instead, so it’s private and doesn’t embarrass the speaker.
- Time and Experience: As the old saying goes, “time flies when you’re having fun”, and weddings can very easily go off schedule. If you’ve also got a big wedding party, it can be hard for people to hear the speeches or they might find it hard to concentrate with so much going on.
- Context: Think about who usually performs a speech- father of the bride, best man’s speech- all of these are traditional, but it can be triggering if certain family members aren’t there.
So there you have it! A compilation of some forward-thinking wedding changes couples have decided on to make their day just how they imagined. You might find that some of these you’ve not considered or have feared judgment from implementing your own rules. Remember- the day you share with your partner is allowed to be exactly how you want it.
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Header image credit: Sofia Hernandez via Unsplash