A brilliant and thought-provoking article by Simon Dewey Photography

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I gave up on posing a little while ago. I stumbled across photographers like Tracy Jade & Naomi Goggin who were just letting couples exist in their own space. It was a lightbulb moment – I’ve also studied under Jesh de Rox and Luis Garvan and all sorts of photographers who have approaches to working with people and emotions. And whilst their methods usually produce something more natural, it always felt somehow manipulative and dishonest to do this on a wedding day – a day that should be filled with natural emotion.

Yesterday, I was shooting the wedding of a same sex couple, and I felt I had to explain myself. Because it probably looks like I don’t know how to pose a same sex couple, whereas the reality is that I don’t know how to pose any couple.

Or, to be more precise, I don’t know how to pose in a way that doesn’t turn people into gender clichés and stereotypes. Whether they’re straight, gay or any other complex shade of the spectrum. Posing is inherently weird, and even weirder in the context of wedding photography. It communicates things about a couple and their relationship – things that may have absolutely nothing to do with that couple.

A broader issue

The wedding industry has long been steeped in traditional gender roles and expectations, often reflecting outdated stereotypes about what grooms and brides should look like, act like, and prioritise during their big day. However, as society evolves toward greater inclusivity and individuality, there is a growing movement to challenge and reshape these norms, allowing weddings to be authentic celebrations that reflect the diverse identities of all couples.

Of course there are plenty of exceptions to this and some wonderful wedding blogs embracing diversity and showing different styles of wedding… But I’m not seeing it reflected in education for wedding photographers – and the styling and couples shown in weddings across the wedding media, Pinterest, Instagram and TikTok just reinforce the visual message of a very homogeneous wedding. (Probably the peril of being in the trade – but I see a wonky picture of a groom and bride filling a champagne tower every time I open up social media). To echo my own website – Not everyone wants to be a Disney princess or James Bond on their wedding day.

This becomes especially problematic when couples don’t fit those moulds.

Same-sex couples, non-binary partners, and those who feel uncomfortable with traditional binary roles often find themselves misrepresented, or worse—excluded—from the wedding photography narrative. Instead of capturing their authentic story and love, photos can end up reinforcing clichés that don’t resonate with them.

And it becomes even more important in the long-term as photos and the media we create become family heirlooms – historical documents that tell us about our families and their histories.

I think we’ll always be able to excuse it with “that’s just what fashions dictated at the time”. But I also think we lose the magic of capturing who the people in the photo really are, and what they meant to each other. I think being able to bottle even a tiny fraction of that is why a lot of us picked up a camera in the first place.

What can we do as wedding photographers / vendors

Breaking away from gender stereotypes in wedding photography doesn’t mean abandoning romance or tradition altogether. It means allowing couples to define how they want to be seen. Here are a few ways photographers can shift their practice:

• Educate ourselves. Understanding your clients means more than knowing LGBTQ+ terminology or history. It’s about listening. Photojournalist Jonas Peterson highlights that listening is the first step in telling someone’s story. Ask open questions early on, learn what makes each couple tick, and avoid assumptions based on gender or tradition. (I love meeting people on their home turf. You learn so much about a couple by just being in their space.)
• Pose for personality, not gender. Instead of defaulting to “the bride looks delicate, the groom looks strong,” focus on what feels natural to the couple. Some people love being playful, others prefer elegance — neither should be tied to gender. Personally I’m playing with trying to create space for couples to be themselves. It’s a pretty awkward space for the first minute or so, but then it transitions into something more personal and collaborative. (I’m planning to cover this more in depth on my own blog.)
  
• Balance the coverage. Give equal attention to all partners in photos and albums. It’s common to see brides featured prominently while grooms or partners feel sidelined—avoid this by showcasing genuine connection and individuality. (And this is an ongoing conversation on English Wedding too.)
• Use inclusive language. Replace “bride and groom” with “partners” or “couple,” especially in communications and marketing.
• Show inclusive photos. Similar to above – showing a wide range of clients, cultures and experiences in our visual storytelling echoes the message to come as you are, not as what is expected of you.
• Highlight authentic moments. The truest photographs often come from documentary-style coverage, capturing laughter, vulnerability, and connection without staging gendered roles.
• Educate clients. Help couples move beyond Pinterest-perfection and embrace their unique relationship dynamics. Your guidance can free them from cookie-cutter expectations.

Preparation Time

I want to also shine a spotlight on preparation time, as I believe traditionally, we weight this in favour of the bride and produce a responsibility on the bridal party to be both the centre of attention, and often quite vulnerable. It also echoes the stereotype that only brides care about their appearance or find getting ready meaningful, while grooms are portrayed as afterthoughts who simply put on a suit.

Of course your couples are going to have priorities and preferences. (Personally I love it when they break with tradition and get ready together – not just for the convenience, but for the care and attention they show to each other on the morning of the wedding) I’d also refer back to the point above – Educate yourself about your clients, ask lots of questions.

Also an actual selling point, as a photographer

Modern couples increasingly seek authenticity and personalisation. They want wedding photographs that truly represent who they are—not society’s idea of who they should be. Offering a portfolio and style that embrace diverse relationships and expressions attracts a wider and more engaged clientele.

Breaking free from predictable gendered poses also pushes photographers creatively. It’s an opportunity to explore deeper storytelling and produce images that resonate emotionally — keeping your work fresh, meaningful, and compelling.

Conclusion

Challenging gender stereotypes in wedding photography isn’t about discarding tradition entirely; it’s about expanding the narrative to include all couples and expressions of love. It allows wedding photography to fulfill its highest calling: capturing not just how couples look on their day, but who they really are.

By listening, learning, and adapting our approaches, we as photographers and vendors can help make weddings — and wedding photography — a more welcoming, authentic celebration for everyone. And that’s got to be a good thing.

PS. Another word on posing / not posing

I may not have convinced you about letting go of posing and directing – and there may indeed be a third way. But I thought I should add this little tidbit from Dawoud Bey’s On photographing people and communities. Dawoud has been photographing strangers since before I was in nappies – and I’m no spring chicken. I’m going to leave with a quote from the book that really stuck with me:

“The things that are going on in the world are so much more interesting than anything you can make up…. If the pose comes from the subject, it will ring truer than anything I can direct. I can’t anticipate subtleties like the drape of her hand or the placement of his hand – the little poetic gestures or grace notes. I have to let them evolve and then recognise them when I see them.” (Page 52, if you want to get hold of a copy)

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