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On the Other Side

Days married: 19

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Yes, I am back! I am slightly nervous to be back. I don’t know why. Perhaps it has to do with not wanting to accept it’s all over – or perhaps because being ‘on the other side’ has changed my perspective about a lot of things, and caused me to realise I became quite a wedding monster during the run up to my wedding! I don’t want to say ‘Bridezilla’ – because I’m a nice girl and I wasn’t mean to anyone. I say wedding monster because I became greedy for validation. I wanted my wedding to be everywhere and I wanted everyone to know about it. I wanted my wedding to be featured on EVERY BLOG IN THE WORLD.

I totally missed the point. All that doesn’t actually matter. When you spend hours looking at other weddings you want to envisage your wedding being celebrated and appreciated by the whole world in the same way. But I don’t need that now. No one really needs that. I have my own memories. I have my own validation. I have the words from my friends and family that mean more to me than any stranger’s words could ever mean. And more importantly – I have my husband.

I was scared to admit this at the time because I didn’t think it had really happened to me. But it had. I was more obsessed with what the internet thought of me than what the people around me had to say. I do not regret becoming part of English Wedding and the wedding blogging world. But I do regret getting so wrapped up in its world that I at times neglected what was most important to me. To all of you beautiful friends I am sorry.

I’ve noticed I haven’t gifted you with one of Salma’s lessons in quite a while. Perhaps the most important lesson I have learnt is:

Remember what is truly important. You do not need to seek validation.

Enjoy the sneak peak photos! I will be back with a honeymoon report, more wedding photos and the video when they are ready. Keep an eye out!

Salma x

Photos by Phil Barber.

 

Claire Gould

Claire spends her days writing - either in beautiful calligraphy or online. She lives on the edge of the English Lake District only minutes away from the beach, where she loves to escape and unwind. Claire's calligraphy can be found at www.byMoonandTide.com. Claire launched the English Wedding Blog in November 2009 - it's been a top 10 UK wedding blog ever since, with a regional focus we hope you LOVE.

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9 COMMENTS
  • Lucy Goodier
    8 years ago

    I recognise the venue Salma, is it Peckforton Castle? Anyway, congratulations! 🙂 I really think what you have said is really important. Obviously, our job is to plan clients’ weddings and provide them with what they want to make it special to them; however, it does cross my mind at times, are they wanting this big event for themselves, or for everyone else? Who am I to judge?, but I hope they all make the same resounding statement that you have; you don’t need validation, as long as you have had the most special day of your lives and you celebrated it with your nearest and dearest, that’s what truly counts. Lovely xx

  • Salma
    8 years ago

    Hi Lucy, yes it’s Peckforton Castle! 🙂
    Thank you for your kind words. x

  • Sally
    8 years ago

    I love that this post is called “on the other side”! I totally agree with the above, a wedding should just be for yourselves and you should be happy with the fact you’re getting married, not to impress your guests. We never wanted to be flash, and if so much wasn’t organised now I would still be happy to elope! I doubt you were ever a bridezilla or even close Salma, and you are allowed to celebrate your day as much as possible- blogs or not! I can’t wait to see more pics, and esp the video which I’m sure will be amazing! Hope you had a fab honeymoon x

  • Salma
    8 years ago

    Thanks Sally! 😀 x

  • Claire
    8 years ago
    AUTHOR

    Hi Salma, welcome back and congratulations to you both 🙂 I always think of you as the girl who entered our Star Bride competition with a unique perspective. You were all about the marriage, not the wedding. And (while I can’t imagine you being anything like a bridezilla) you definitely seem to have that perspective back with this blog post.

    I doubt you have anything to apologise for either. Every bride gets swept up in planning to an extent – it consumes all your time and money and focusing so much on getting it right for everyone must do funny things to your brain. In a way it seems blogging added to the pressure for you – I wish I could have helped you with that one, if I’d known.

    I have huge admiration for you, and for Sally and all the other brides out there planning a wedding. And for any bride blogging about her big day – I think for many it’s therapeutic to get things down in writing, but I can see how making a commitment to a blog – whether it’s like this one or your own – might add to the pressure.

    Now though, I’m most interested in what the other side is like for you! What are your favourite memories from your wedding day? I love the photos but I imagine your best memories are of the marriage part, am I right?

    I’ll post that little thing tomorrow (just caught up with your fb today and realised you’re home 🙂

    Claire xx

  • Don’t be too hard on yourself Salma. When my wife and I married, we too put A LOT of energy into it. Some will say, way too much. But then it only happens once (hopefully) and it’s something to look back at laugh at. The great thing is that you’ll be laughing at it with the man you love and perhaps later on down the line with your children.

    Love the blog. Keep up the good work!

  • Salma
    8 years ago

    Thanks Claire 🙂 I shall regail you with memories once I have some more photos. I’m finding it hard to remember much right now it went so fast!

    I forgot about the thing!! Excited now 🙂

    Hmm I don’t know whether blogging added too the pressure – it just made me much more aware of everything I was doing because I was always either writing a blog post or thinking about writing a blog post which wrapped me up far too much in talking about the wedding rather than feeling things I think. I’m all still very confused about how I’m feeling now and what I’m reflecting on – maybe this is my twisted version of those post wedding blues 😉

  • Julie Dawson
    8 years ago

    I love this post! Salma, as the others said this is really normal. Everything becomes a massive issue in the weeks before the wedding its just the way it is. I am wedding planner and really try hard to make sure my brides have as little stress as possible but you know what sometimes wedding fever just takes over and no matter how organised you are the fever hits. Once the wedding is all over you really cant see what the issues were. I was the same myself, totally fixated then as soon as I said I will it all just flooded away. You are so right your husband is what is important now and the memories you have of such a lovely wedding. If I can say one more thing, the blogging may or may not have made things a little more stressful but many brides dont have the lovely memories and concrete evidence you have that in years to come you can look back at and wow at your thoughtfulness of how your planned your day to your gorgeous life partner.
    Happy married life and dont worry if you get a little post wedding blues, thats normal too. Enjoy your free time.
    Julie x

  • Salma
    8 years ago

    Thanks Julie 🙂 Yes, I’ll never forget that totally liberated, ‘normal’ feeling I felt once I was married and walked out of the ceremony room!

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