Mother of the Bride

When your daugh­ter announces she is get­ting mar­ried, emo­tion and excite­ment can set in, your lit­tle girl is ask­ing for your advice on her wedding.

Together you embark on a shop­ping trip to choose that all impor­tant dress, you delight at how your beau­ti­ful daugh­ter is trans­formed into a stun­ning bride.

But what comes next? You want to help your daugh­ter with the plan­ning but at the same time you want her to enjoy the plan­ning, where is the line between assist­ing and tak­ing over?

ORGANISATION

Every bride is dif­fer­ent, some want their moth­ers to lit­er­ally organ­ise the whole day but some want their mums to steer clear of any design ele­ments or orga­ni­za­tion input.

Surely plan­ning a wed­ding can’t be that dif­fi­cult? In the begin­ning when you help choose a venue for your daugh­ter it prob­a­bly all seems like a breeze. You help with deci­sions on which sup­plier to book but try des­per­ately not to inter­fere, being involved but also talk­ing a step back can be hard. 

‘At times I felt I was not in con­trol, not always know­ing what was hap­pen­ing as I wasn’t mak­ing the deci­sions. But, at the same time I didn’t want more to do, very strange feel­ing’ explains Janet, a past Mother of the Bride

To start with why not buy her a beau­ti­ful wed­ding plan­ner and mem­ory box to keep all clip­pings, swatches and receipts in? If you are com­puter lit­er­ate start a spread­sheet to keep track of the bud­get both approx. and actual, guest list, sup­plier pay­ments and con­tacts of all sup­plier. By just tak­ing over the pay­ments or reminders of pay­ments will help immensely.

Then ask your daugh­ter what you can do to help. Per­haps you can man­age the invi­ta­tions and RSVPs? Be there to help take over any tasks that are wor­ry­ing her should she ask for your help.

Remem­ber, times have changed, gone are the days of hold­ing the recep­tion in a local hotel and being happy with Bucks Fizz, roast din­ner, disco and fin­ger buf­fet in the evening! Men­tion this to your daugh­ter and she might dis­play a look of hor­ror on her face.

Today it’s all about choos­ing the right venue that matches the couple’s expec­ta­tions, select­ing the right sup­pli­ers to cre­ate their dream wed­ding and of course com­ing up with the theme.

THE DAY ITSELF

Your daugh­ter is ner­vous, scared and excited, the last thing she needs is her Mother flap­ping around. I’ve seen it hap­pen so many times, the bride is with her brides­maids try­ing to calm down when the Mother enters, have you done x, y, z. did you con­firm the dri­ver, why isn’t he here, where’s the pho­tog­ra­pher, WHY AREN’T you dressed.

Stop, breathe, go find some­one else to scream these con­cerns to, a best man or wed­ding plan­ner. Just don’t say it to the bride, just hug and kiss her, calm down and relax. “I was very calm before my Mum came in pan­ick­ing about noth­ing” Said one Anon bride.

Remem­ber there are some things you can’t con­trol like the weather but every­thing else can be con­trolled, del­e­gate some­one whether the venue staff, a wed­ding plan­ner or best man to run the sched­ule and deal with prob­lems on the day so you are not disturbed.

Thanks to Bernadette Chap­man for this very help­ful article. 

Bernadette is owner of Dream Occa­sions, one of the UK’s fore­most wed­ding plan­ners and has fea­tured on TV and radio as well as numer­ous national pub­li­ca­tions. Past wed­dings have been seen in Cosmo Bride, You and Your Wed­ding and An Essex Wed­ding. Bernadette also man­ages Dream Occa­sions Hire – fin­ish­ing touches for wed­dings and events in East Anglia.

If you’ve found this arti­cle use­ful please share it with your mum, your daugh­ter and your friends!

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