A view from the other side of the aisle

It can be very easy for the groom to be cast into the shad­ows when it comes to plan­ning a wed­ding and although he may actu­ally pre­fer it that way, it could prove quite use­ful to get him involved at some point.  I believe I was coaxed in to a dis­cus­sion with the promise of beer and that the sooner it was done, the sooner I could have my beer.

Hav­ing said that, this bribe was only offered once, and that was right at the start.  Once I was involved with plan­ning our wed­ding, I couldn’t stop — I was hooked.  And I had also found where the beer was hidden.

Whilst on hon­ey­moon and on our relax­ing 10 mile stomp to the Golden Gate Bridge and back, my sparkling new wife and I were dis­cussing about the prepa­ra­tions and the build up to the wedding.

Much like our walk, our talk mean­dered. But I sup­pose you could say in both instances we got to where we wanted. Our walk — the other side of the Bridge. Our talk – com­ing to the con­clu­sion that there really isn’t much help out there for wed­ding plan­ning from both a bride and groom per­spec­tive.  From this frus­tra­tion, myr­iad genii occa­sions was born.

Here are a few tips to help get you, the groom, through the pre­ced­ing years/months/weeks before you tie the knot:

1. Wed­ding prepa­ra­tions can be stress­ful and believe it or not, there are things that can be done to alle­vi­ate this.  Some­times all it takes is a week­end off, or even bet­ter a week­end away – but don’t replace the stress of organ­is­ing a wed­ding with the stress of organ­is­ing a com­pli­cated trip. Keep it sim­ple.  Or even sim­pler, a bot­tle of Kalms…

2. Once you are involved, com­pro­mise.  You might not be able to afford that Van­quish to take you to the church. Or those Cuban cig­ars you want to give out as favours. But don’t go to the other end of the scale either — an Austin Healey and a pack of Slim Line Panatel­las might not invoke the image you were hop­ing for…

3.  Remem­ber, it’s your day too.  So throw in your opin­ion when asked about the colour scheme. After all, some­thing that you are wear­ing will have to match.  And the flow­ers — you will be wear­ing a but­ton hole, so choose some­thing that you’ll be com­fort­able wearing.

4. Go to see the poten­tial venues of the wed­ding and recep­tion – it’s also another impor­tant deci­sion that you’ll need to have some input on.  Even if all you’re con­cerned about is the price of the alco­hol, have a walk around, talk to the rep­re­sen­ta­tives – after all, the nicer you are to them, the more accom­mo­dat­ing they may become.

5. When choos­ing a suit for the day, you don’t always have to hire them — remem­ber, at the end of it all, the bride goes home with her dress, why shouldn’t you go home with your suit?  If you find a style that you like, try to find a suit that you can pur­chase off the rack.  It can cost over £100 to hire each suit and the rest of the ensem­ble, but there are lots of suits out there that can be pur­chased, and if nec­es­sary, altered for about the same total cost.

6. Ring, no ring? Ring, no ring? At the end of the day, it really is down to per­sonal pref­er­ence.  Your pro­fes­sion may dic­tate whether or not you wear a ring on a day-to-day basis, but you can still have one.  The num­ber of times you envis­age wear­ing it could also be a bear­ing on what you’re will­ing to pay for it too.

7. Choose your entourage wisely. There’s no point in select­ing a friend as your best man who will fall to bits under pres­sure, or sim­i­larly one who needs a four pack of Spe­cial Brew to cope.  It’s not fair on either of you. They can still be involved as an usher, or if they’re fairly short, a page boy…

8. Unless you’re an actor who spe­cialises in mono­logues, no one is going to expect you to remem­ber all your speech.  Split a num­ber of record cards into two sec­tions, with a chunk of the speech at the top and a bul­let list of key points from the same sec­tion at the bot­tom. Try to use the bul­let points and embell­ish them — it will sound more nat­ural, but you can use the full text if you get stuck. Oh, and practise.

9.  Even if she says “no” when you ask, get her a present that you give to her on the wed­ding day itself.  Not flow­ers though, as there will be an entire florists’ worth avail­able to her dur­ing the day and also there isn’t much point to a bunch of flow­ers look­ing pretty, in a vase, on your man­tel­piece, when you’re both on honeymoon.

10. If you’re still not con­vinced and are shy­ing away from all involve­ment, there are other “more manly” activ­i­ties that can con­tribute to the plan­ning effort.  If there are things that need to be pur­chased, have a go at mak­ing them instead. If there are things that need sourc­ing, don your hunter-gatherer cap and go find them.  Remem­ber to make the grunt­ing noises a la Tim “The Tool­man” Tay­lor whilst doing so.

But, if after read­ing all of this you still don’t want to involve your­self, think about your wife-to-be and all that plan­ning that is cur­rently rest­ing on her shoul­ders. Why not give her a hand and call in some experts…?

Huge thanks to Leigh from Myr­iad Genii Occa­sions for this great arti­cle on wed­ding plan­ning from a groom’s point of view. I hope you’ve enjoyed read­ing it as much as I did — and if you have, please share it with your part­ner. It’s fan­tas­tic advice for both of you, I think.

Myr­iad Genii is a hus­band and wife wed­ding and event plan­ning team. Leigh and Laura (who wrote another arti­cle for us recently) offer a unique per­spec­tive on wed­ding plan­ning, and draw on their own expe­ri­ences to pro­vide a great wed­ding plan­ning ser­vice with a difference.